The 5 Love Languages Quiz
For further exploration read The 5 Love Languages (Book) by Dr. Gary Chapman (www.5lovelanguages.com)
For each pair of statements, select which one is MOST important to you. If you have trouble deciding which one to choose, ask yourself “If I had the first one and not the second one, would I feel loved? If I had the second one and not the first one, would I feel loved?” Whichever one leaves you feeling unloved in its absence is the one to select.
1. My partner’s love notes make me feel good. A
I love my partner’s hugs. E
2. I like to be alone with my partner. B
I feel loved when my partner helps me do yard work. D
3. Receiving special gifts from my partner makes me happy. C
I enjoy long trips with my partner. B
4. I feel loved when my partner does my laundry. D
I like it when my partner touches me. E
5. I feel loved when my partner puts her arm around me. E
I know my partner loves me because she surprises me with gifts. C
6. I like going most anywhere with my partner. B
I like to hold my partner’s hand. E
7. I value the gifts my partner gives me. C
I love to hear my partner say she loves me. A
8. I like for my partner to sit close to me. E
My partner tells me I look good, and I like that. A
9. Spending time with my partner makes me happy. B
Even the smallest gift from my partner is important to me. C
10. I feel loved when my partner tells me she’s proud of me. A
When my partner cooks a meal for me, I know she loves me. D
11. No matter what we do, I love doing things with my partner. B
Supportive comments from my partner make me feel good. A
12. Little things my partner does for me mean more than anything she says. D
I love to hug my partner. E
13. My wife’s praise means a lot to me. A
It means a lot to me that my partner gives me gifts I really like. C
14. Just being around my partner makes me feel good. B
I love when my partner rubs my back. E
15. My wife’s reactions to my accomplishments are so encouraging. A
It means a lot to me when my partner helps with something I hate. D
16. I never get tired of my partner’s kisses. E
I love that my partner shows real interest in things I like to do. B
17. I can count on my partner to help me with projects. D
I still get excited when opening a gift from my partner. C
18. I love for my partner to compliment my appearance. A
I love that my partner listens to my ideas and doesn’t judge. B
19. I can’t help but touch my partner when she’s close by. E
I appreciate it when my partner runs errands for me. D
20. My partner deserves an award for all the things she does to help me. D
I’m sometimes amazed at how thoughtful my partner’s gifts are. C
21. I love having my partner’s undivided attention. B
Keeping the house clean is an important act of service. D
22. I look forward to seeing what my partner gives me for my birthday. C
I never get tired of hearing my partner tell me I’m important to her. A
23. My partner lets me now she loves me by giving me gifts. C
My partner shows her love by helping me catch up on projects. D
24. My partner doesn’t interrupt me when I’m talking and I like that. B
I never get tired of receiving gifts from my partner. C
25. My partner can tell when I’m tired and is good at asking if she can help. D
It doesn’t matter where we go, I just like going places with my partner. B
26. I love having sex with my partner. E
I love surprise gifts from my partner. C
27. My partner’s encouraging words give me confidence. A
I love to watch movies with my partner. B
28. I couldn’t ask for any better gifts than the ones my partner gives me. C
I just can’t keep my hands off my wife. B
29. It means a lot to me when my partner helps me even when she’s busy. D
I feel really good when my partner tells me she appreciates me. A
30. I love hugging and kissing my partner when we’ve been apart. E
I love hearing my partner tell me she believes in me. A
Now, tally up your scores.
A: ______ B: _______ C: _______ D: _______ E: _______
A = Words of Affirmation B = Quality Time C = Receiving Gifts
D = Acts of Service E = Physical Touch
In order of importance, my Love Languages are:
In order of importance, my partner’s Love Languages are:
Tips for Each Love Language
If your partner values “Words of Affirmation”:
Make a list of all of the things you like, appreciate, or value about your partner. Verbally compliment or express appreciation 5 times per day.
Write something down (a letter, a sentence) and give it to your partner.
Compliment your partner in front of others.
Get your partner a card.
Tell your partner you love them EVERY day!
If your partner values “Quality Time”:
List 5 ways you can spend quality time with your partner.
List 5 things you could discuss with your partner in a quality conversation.
List 5 ways you can improve your focused attention on your partner.
List 5 activities you could do together that you would both enjoy.
Sub-Type of Quality Time: Tips for Quality Conversation:
Maintain eye contact
Don’t listen to your partner and do something else at the same time
Respond to feelings: i.e., “it sounds like you are feeling disappointed…”
If you are NOT naturally good at self-revelation, practice
If your partner values “Giving of Gifts”:
List 10 ideas for giving gifts that do not cost any money.
List 10 things you know he/she values and appreciates and refer to this list when you can’t think of what to get them.
Express appreciation when he/she gives YOU a gift!
Gifts can be:
Physical objects, which is more obvious
Heart felt sentiments, like a card or bringing home a pizza
The giving of yourself, like sacrificing to be there for someone
If your partner values “Acts of Service”:
• Think of something that you could do for your partner that could be very meaningful and catch them by surprise.
• Make a list of things you could do for your partner, such as doing their chores or planning something, and do one of these things as a way of expressing appreciation for the things your partner is doing that make you feel loved.
• Make a list of the things your partner regularly nags you to do and grant one request per week.
• Ask your partner what “little things” would mean a lot to them and do them!
If your partner values “Physical Touch”:
You need to touch your partner more! Often Physical Touch is in conjunction with Quality Time, as it’s difficult to be touching each other in a meaningful way if you’re not together and focused on each other.
Plan at least one day per week that you will set aside a couple hours to spend private time with each other.
To create a habit, commit to taking 20 minutes every day, planned, to sit together and talk about your day while touching in one form or another.
Be very aware of your partner’s signals that he/she is trying to connect to you physically and sexually—and respond. Do not ignore your partner’s advances. It is okay if you are not able to fully respond at that moment, but acknowledge their signals, appreciate them as the love that they are, and at the minimum imply you will connect with them at a later time—and make sure you come back to it.
Physical touch can be: Sitting close, touching him/her as they walk by, hugging him/her every time they return from work, holding hands, touching under the table, giving him/her a massage, cuddling, etc.
Remember that it’s especially important to reach out to your partner during stressful periods. This is when they need it most. If your partner is upset, hug them or rub their shoulders.
Recognize that you may not highly value physical touch, but if your partner does you MUST be physically affectionate in order to have a happy relationship. If you are uncomfortable, exposure through PRACTICING will help.